The past few days I have been challenged with my own mortality. Not so much that I will die or am dying or am afraid to die. Rather it is the kind of life that I will live and what I want to accomplish while I live that I am concerned about.
I assume this feeling is pretty unnatural for everyday life, but after getting fired 2 weeks ago I am doing some soul searching and examining what I desire to accomplish with all I do in life. I keep coming back to one thing, just one thing that I strive to do with all I have in this life.
It is rather interesting and different, but it keeps me focused on what I am called to do and who I want to be.
"I want to end up sliding into home, battered, beaten, bruised and bloodied. I want to have Jesus pick me up off the ground at heavens gates pull out the flaming arrows from the shield and armor, brush the dirt off my shoulder, pull the sod from my helmet as He removes it. I want Him to be proud of the way I led my family, my church, my friends and enemies to know Him more and more each day. I want to hear the words from His mouth as He welcomes me Home, 'Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into your rest.'"
I am most concerned for my family in this vision... As a task oriented man I am afraid that I will not have the ability to teach and lead them as the Pastor-Dad I want to be. Loving, kind, compassionate, caring, encouraging and faithful to my children in all things. The task of Dad has not been one that I feel capable to accomplish on my own. I must ask my Father in heaven for help and bring my brothers around me for support. We must be the church that grows believers to be the fathers and family we need to be.
A great calling but a hard life to get to the bitter end.
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